Supporting someone in an abusive relationship is delicate and often challenging. The key is to empower them, not control them. Here are 5 ways to help someone in an abusive relationship:
1. Listen Without Judgment
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Let them talk when they’re ready—without interrupting, blaming, or pressuring.
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Avoid saying things like “Why don’t you just leave?” which can make them feel ashamed or defensive.
2. Believe and Validate Them
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Abuse is often minimized or hidden. If they open up to you, believe them.
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Say things like: “I’m so sorry this is happening to you,” or “You don’t deserve this.”
3. Help Them Make a Safety Plan
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If they’re not ready to leave, focus on helping them stay as safe as possible.
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A safety plan might include having an emergency bag, memorizing hotlines, or choosing a safe word.
4. Offer Practical Support
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This might include childcare, a safe place to stay, transportation, or simply being available in a crisis.
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Respect their pace—don’t pressure them to take actions they’re not ready for.
5. Encourage Professional Help
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Suggest reaching out to a domestic violence hotline, shelter, counselor, or legal aid service.
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Offer to go with them or help find resources, but let them stay in control.
Dr. Payne helps people cope with a wide range of challenges, including anxiety, depression, trauma, relationship issues, and life transitions. Contact Dr. Payne today at (213) 761-8555 to schedule a no-cost 15-minute consultation. She is verified on Psychology Today.