Parents of Teenagers
Therapy for Parents of Teenagers in Santa Monica and Across California
You are probably reading this after a bad week. Something has changed in your teenager — the door closes more, the grades slipped, the friend group reorganized, or you found something on a screen you are still deciding what to do with — and you have moved from concerned to actively worried.
Before anything else, the thing that most often needs saying: the fact that this got bad is not a referendum on your parenting. Adolescence has a way of activating things that were manageable at eleven and are not at fifteen, and most of the parents in my consultation calls have been doing a reasonable job under conditions nobody briefed them on.
How It Works
The teenager would be my client, not you
This is the part worth being clear about, because it shapes everything else. When I work with an adolescent, the adolescent is the client. The therapeutic relationship is with them, and it will not function if they experience me as an instrument of parental surveillance. Teenagers detect that arrangement immediately and respond by saying nothing true for six months.
What that means practically is that the content of their sessions is largely theirs. I will tell you about safety concerns — that is not negotiable and they will know it from the first session, because a rule they find out about later is a betrayal, while a rule stated upfront is simply the frame. Beyond safety, I will talk to you about direction, about what would help at home, and about patterns in general terms, rather than reporting the week's conversation.
Parents are usually part of the work rather than absent from it. That can look like periodic parent sessions, occasional joint sessions when something needs to be said with a third person present, and practical conversation about what to do differently at home — which is frequently less than parents expect and different from what they anticipated.
The first move is a free consultation with you. What has changed, what you have already tried, what you are most afraid of. If I am not the right fit, or if what you are describing needs a level of care beyond weekly outpatient therapy, I will say so and point you somewhere more appropriate.
In the Room
What parents most often ask
They refuse to go
Common, and not the end of the conversation. How the idea is introduced matters more than most parents expect, and a teenager offered a genuine choice about it tends to respond differently than one delivered to a waiting room.
Is this normal or is this something
Sometimes the honest answer is that we find out. Duration, intensity, and whether functioning has dropped across several areas at once are the things I pay attention to first.
What do we do at home
Usually fewer interventions and more availability. The most useful thing a parent can often do is be reliably unshocked and present at the moments a teenager chooses, which are rarely convenient.
Your Own Part
You are allowed to be having a hard time too
Parents in this position frequently arrive apologetic about their own distress, as though worrying is a resource that should be spent exclusively on the child. You are permitted to be frightened, exhausted, and angry, sometimes at the teenager, which is a sentence most parents will not say until somebody tells them they can.
That matters practically, not only emotionally. A parent running on fumes has a shorter fuse and fewer good options in the hallway at eleven at night. Some of the parents I speak with decide that their own individual therapy is the right next step, and that is a legitimate outcome of a consultation call rather than a failure of one.
If you want your own work and I am not the right person for it, I will say so and suggest where to look.
Honest Limits
What this is and is not
It is weekly outpatient therapy. It is not a crisis service, and messages here are not monitored around the clock. If your teenager is in immediate danger, call or text 988 or call 911 — that is the right move, and it is not an overreaction.
I also cannot promise an outcome or a timeline, and I would be suspicious of anyone who did about an adolescent. What I can tell you is what I think is happening, whether the work seems to be moving, and what I would change if I thought it was not.
Where to Next
Related areas of the work
Free Consultation
Start with a conversation, not a commitment.
The first step is a free consultation call. We talk about what brings you here, what you have already tried, and whether working together makes sense. If I am not the right fit, I will say so and point you somewhere better.
- · You request a time on the form, and I confirm by email
- · Telehealth anywhere in California, or in person in Santa Monica
- · Private pay, with superbills for out-of-network reimbursement
- · 48 hours' notice for changes or cancellations
Or call the office at (213) 761-8555.